A challenge facing parents is that many of us act as if we are in denial about (or choose to ignore), the varied menu of danger available on the Internet - and just what our kids are doing and sampling online. If you are like most parents, you aren’t an Internet expert or even as skilled as your children. That’s OK. In fact, it’s not necessary to be an expert, in order for you to help your children enjoy the Internet safely. What you need to do is talk to your kids about what they are doing on the internet, explain your family rules and then repeat the talk every year.

I won’t lie to you, getting your children to tell you, with honesty, about their internet experiences is hard. One in five children worldwide admits they are doing things on the Internet their parents wouldn’t approve of. While half of all parents say they are talking to their kids about internet safety, it’s usually a one time effort that includes two pieces of advice: “People online aren’t always who they say they are” and “Stay away from online strangers.” No wonder kids fear if they tell you about their online mistakes, you will react by taking away their computer, their Internet connection, their access to their friends and the rest of the world. They figure Mom and Dad just don’t get it, when it comes to the online world.

Nevertheless, at Norton, we’ve learned through our global research with parents and kids, that kids want their parents to know more about the Internet. They are also overwhelmingly willing to talk to their parents about the web. That’s good news.

So now you know your kids are willing to talk to you, and you realize you want to learn more about what they are doing, how do you begin? How do you connect with each other in a way that allows your child to be honest? How do you avoid judging, overreacting, panicking about what you might hear? How do you create a conversational, non-confrontational discussion that is productive enough you can repeat the activity each year?

I’d like to introduce a concept I call, “The Talk.” I’d like you to begin talking with your children about their online activities right away and do it again, year after year. Your children’s online activities keep changing. They visit different websites, try new activities, and create new social networking accounts. Yesterday everyone was talking on email and today, they use the built-in messaging in Twitter and Facebook to talk to each other. As your children get older, their need for privacy will increase at the same time the online risks they take may also increase. Taking risks is part of the adolescent maturation process but as the parent, it’s your job to set boundaries so those risks don’t destroy your child’s reputation or future. Just know that those boundaries are likely to get stepped on or over, from time to time.

Below I’ve listed the five basic questions. They should work with kids of all ages, though you’ll adjust the content to be age appropriate. Make sure you give your child space (physical and time) to answer you. I love having these conversations in the car (for some reason when you are both looking ahead at the road, it’s easier to be open with your parent.)

This question directs the attention away from your child and towards the general online activities in his/her crowd. It is a good way to start and keep things neutral, generic. You want your son or daughter to give you honest feedback and you must reassure them you won’t punish them for their answers. You will start to hear about such activities as gaming, chatting, building social networks, even homework and research activities.

Ask your child to tell you why these sites are cool. You can also ask about the sites that aren’t popular anymore and why.

Yes, I want you to take 20 minutes out of your incredibly busy life to look at penguins sliding down a snowy hill or your child’s dreadlocked warrior avatar swinging a sword around. Ask how you set security or privacy settings (look at the top and bottom of the screen for those areas of the site). Maybe you’ll be tempted to play along and set up your own account. Make sure you let your child know if you do. Ask your child how they use the site and why these sites are favorites.

Your child may not know “cyberbullying” by name but he or she knows what it looks and feels like. Talk about stories you’ve read or seen on the news about nasty emails, embarrassing photos, personal information that was shared or sent around to other kids. Ask about fake MySpace postings. Find out if your child has ever heard of this stuff going on. Make sure your child knows cyberbullying is incredibly common and if they haven’t seen any yet, it’s a matter of time until they do. Make sure they know how to react when it does (don’t respond, save it, block it, report it to Mom/Dad or other adult.)

This is an opportunity to discuss cyberbullying, accidental browsing discoveries such as porn or racist sites or even something weird involving a friend or peer in the neighborhood. The idea is to make sure the kid knows they can come to you and they won't be punished when something bad happens online. Experiencing something bad is almost inevitable when your child is active on the internet. Make sure your child knows they can come to you for help and you won’t overreact.

I have prepared a unique questionnaire for you to help you on the road to starting The Talk. Use this questionnaire to guide your discussion with your kids and to take notes if you like, while you teach them the ways of staying safe, guarded and happy online.

Extra credit or questions for families with older kids:

That’s it. That’s The Talk. It’s not hard, it’s not technical, it’s totally doable and I hope you’ll give it a try. If you are a teacher, try it in a discussion with your class. And if you have any feedback for me on how this works for you in practice, let me know: marian@norton.com